Donna Medlin 

Saved September 24, 2000
Blessed Assurance

     I was born in No. California and into a long long lineage of Catholics. My mother wasn't really good about taking us to church except on holidays, though she had been expected to attend every week as a child. I seemed always to have a thirst for knowledge about God, though. In my eighth grade year a favorite teacher of mine, who was a minister, in the Methodist faith I think, began holding bible study at lunch. I was one of the first to start attending. There were several of us; and two of the boys, both of different faiths, were hoping to be preachers someday. 
     In any case, one day the teacher couldn't make bible study, and so 5 of us decided to meet outside on the football field and enjoy the good weather. We were studying and came upon a passage that described gifts of the Holy Spirit you can receive, like the gift of tongues, the gift of interpretation, the gift of healing and so forth. So, being young and zealous, we decided to pray for the Holy Spirit and gifts...in the midst of prayer, we were all holding hands and praying aloud, one of the boys and myself broke off and went into a kind of trance-and to me we were praying gibberish. This went on for a time, and when we were finished, the other boy said to us, you were speaking in tongues, and the boy who'd gone into a trance like me, looked at me excitedly and said, "We've been saved", or "You've been saved". I had never heard of being saved in all my life.  But he was so convinced and so animated, and I was so caught up in the moment, and did feel very light hearted and different, that I took him at his word. From that time on I carried my bible every where, studied and got my mother to start taking me to our church every Sunday. 
     This went on for a year. After this time I got involved with being a teen and drifted away from church. I eventually married, had children and brought them up as Catholics as well, but was never very satisfied with the church. I always felt, because of my readings, that they did things that were not in the bible, or against the bible. But beings I was in California, where cultists were a threat, I was afraid to venture out and check on other churches. After my marriage of 15 years ended when my ex walked out on the children and I, I began to read the bible again daily, and pray for help getting on my feet. I took up a new attitude about what I'd neglected for so long, but again I was fearful to seek another church fearing I'd end up in a cult. 
     After I met Kenny, who I'm married to now, and began to talk about God and he revealed to me he was a minister, I became excited at the prospect of a religion that fit pretty close to all the things I'd come to realize through my readings. There were several things that didn't click about his beliefs versus what I knew about my own salvation, but I was convinced I had been saved. After we were married and I moved to Tennessee, and a few months passed, I decided to visit his church, Old Paths Missionary Baptist in Collierville, TN. The first visit was almost a disaster, I was not ready to accept that people could run their church, and it was also difficult to hear people expressing their thoughts about things and not just letting the pastor lead them. And I had never had anyone preach so loudly to me in all my life!!! EVERYTHING was so new and frightening, but I felt what I thought was the Holy Spirit, and after a few months I felt led to join the church. I was baptized on Mothers Day of 1999. 
     Several things happened to my family over the course of the next year, my two oldest children were saved and baptized at this church, and my youngest the following year at Landmark. My step son also was saved in the summer of 1999.  Our whole family was going to heaven!  But, trials and tribulations fell to us, and I started questioning my faith. I believe I questioned so hard that I actually began to even doubt the existence. And Satan was there, ever ready to lead me further away, and ignorantly, blindly, I followed. 
     Things kept getting worse, we weren't financially fit, seeming to face losing everything, and here came Old Paths revival, August of 2000. The Monday of the week revival started, I felt a heavy burden on my heart. I thought this was for a young girl that had come to our revival from Landmark, she was lost and I just naturally turned my thoughts to her. By Wednesday, in utter amazement, I began to wonder if this burden was for myself. By Thursday night, I faced the fact that I didn't KNOW I was going to heaven, still convinced I was saved, but that I needed God to reveal to me the assurance of going to heaven. That evening when Bro. Solomon asked if there were any further words, I told him I needed everyone's prayers that the Lord would reveal to me my place in heaven. I knew from the year and a half of attendance that saved people had this know-so salvation, and I was determined to know-so! We all went into the alter, and I hit the bench-and prayed (and cried) my heart out to God to reveal to me my place in heaven. This did not happen that night, and I had many questions that I asked of Bro. DeFreece, who was our helper, and of Bro. Solomon. 
     The following night, after a day full of condemnation, I asked that we pray, and we all hit the alter again, and again, on the bench, I prayed my heart out...and to my utter amazement and astonishment, the Lord revealed to me that I was lost, He wasn't taking me to that football field-I had never been saved at all!  I told all that were there what was revealed to me and was encouraged to keep seeking. I prayed some more but felt I was getting no where and I started asking questions again. This was so new to me, not having been brought up in any faith that came close to believing you can pray for your salvation like that, that I kept asking people questions, trying to figure out just what I needed to do. Silly me, right? Revival was extended by one day and we returned Saturday, and I hit the mourners bench again, but nothing was happening. After Sundays service, the morning and the evening, I felt more lost and more hopeless and my impression was to find another church that was holding revival. One of the women at my church had mentioned her mother took her to every revival they could find and I just felt this impression to have the word preached to me. I found a revival going on at New Liberty up in Cedar Grove, about two hours from me, and told Kenny I felt we needed to be up there. Bless his heart, for the following week, Kenny took off from work early every evening to take me up there. 
     The people were as warm and loving as you could ever hope to find, and I felt welcomed and at home immediately. Several nights I spent into the wee hours searching and praying. And during the day the condemnation was so bad, and I still couldn't find peace. I hadn't been making deals with God, I'm old enough to know better. But I kept thinking if I am sorry, better, or if I beg, harder, or if I just shut up and listen, I'll get it right. Nothing was working and I remember crawling into bed on that Thursday/early Friday morning after just getting home and telling Kenny, "I'm so sick, I don't feel good at all, my heart is hurting, and I think I'm dying". I couldn't wait to fall asleep and get away from the misery if only for a time. Revival ended up there at New Liberty on Friday, and a kind of despair set in. I had been as sorry as anyone could ever be, but I was not saved. That Saturday I felt more lost not having anywhere to go and be preached to, and I was reading the bible and came upon some things I thought would help me in my understanding. I hadn't been feeling much condemnation that day, and was afraid the Lord was turning his back on me, having given me two weeks to get it right to no avail. One of the readings was of the leper and his unbelief that dunking in the river Jordan could cure him, and the lesson being how we refuse to believe how simply, if we just trust, the Lord can do a thing. So I closed my eyes and prayed and just felt like a light was open-and I remember feeling this giggle coming up, and I laughed and looked at Kenny and I said, I think I'm saved. He said well, keep praying till you know. I spent the rest of the evening alternately talking, and on my knees trying to get an answer as to whether I'd been saved, I still didn't have my know-so, and I wasn't going to settle for less this time. 
     Nothing came of that and the following three or four weeks passed with really no condemnation at all, and I wasn't attending church, more out of feeling like I'd failed and couldn't face anyone. Everyone else was saved, what was wrong with me? Without the condemnation there was a feeling that I might have missed the boat, so to speak, and I would just bow my head throughout the day and pray that God wouldn't give up on me, and just asking for guidance, light, something that would let me know what I needed to do. I attended church finally, after about three weeks, on Sunday Sept. 17th, both day and evening. Everyone seemed really glad to see me, and that evening was business meeting. I attended and found that on the agenda was removing my name from the church books. Since I'd never been saved, by my own testimony, I couldn't be a member and the church needed it's books straight with God's. Well, they were really kind and loving about it, and prayed I'd get saved soon and they could add me back, and they even made sure to write in the minutes that it was with regret they had to do this. But what I heard was that I was getting thrown out of the church. Satan encouraged me to feel very hurt over this, and later in the car with my husband I told him how much it hurt, and that I was scared, and didn't understand why I wasn't welcome anymore. He explained that that wasn't what had happened, I prayed to God to keep me so I wouldn't turn my back as I knew Satan would have it. 
     The Lord sure knows just how to work on a person, I think I had held on to my membership and this last security blanket was removed! I felt more lost, but still no condemnation, just a kind of hopelessness, but I prayed through that week anyway and came to feel good about what the church had actually done, and why. The following Sunday rolled around and I knew I needed to get to church. I had no condemnation and no impression, I just wanted to go. Everyone was glad to see me again. And the singing and the sermon were good. I didn't feel anything, though. Bro. Solomon invited everyone to share a Christian handshake and they started playing and singing "I Dreamed I searched Heaven For You". When I got to my father-in-law, he gave me a big hug and said, "You know I'm going to search heaven for you, I hope you'll be there". 
     That touched me and I walked over to Bro. Solomon, and he gave me a hug and with no thought I asked, "Will you pray with me?". He said he'd be glad to and I hit my knees. I don't know what was different but I felt calm, and I cried and I prayed and yet I wasn't trying anymore, I was just being, and within the hour (though I thought Id been down a lot longer, I lost track of time) I felt this peace wash over me, and this joy bubble up. And I remember feeling the presence of my Lord, and of the Father, and for a time it felt like I was wrapped in the Fathers arms and I was hugging him! After so many weeks, I finally had my know-so! I basked in the glow of this for a time and then I asked what He wanted me to do, He told me "GET UP". I leaned back and I laughed and I cried aloud, "I'm Saved", and all I could do was praise my God for saving my soul and thanking him for giving me such blessed assurance! Everyone was to say the least overjoyed and when I was through thanking God I jumped up and just started hugging everyone, and through it all I had the most joyous and blessed laughter. The peace is with me forever, but for that first week, every morning when I woke, and every night before I slept, and just about every waking moment in between, I had the best smile on my face you ever saw anyone wear and I told everyone I could possibly tell about my salvation and the wondrous grace of God.

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